“Perfect” by Alanis Morissette would have been the song for Haley That Would Have Prevented American Idol® From Making Itself A JOKE. Mean Speed=77.0 BPM.
Instead the judges chose for Haley Reinhart a song where in the 2nd line, well know for its reference to a girl so uninhibited that she performs fellatio on her boyfriend in a theater. Asking about Alanis’ old boyfriend’s new woman, she chides, “Would she go down on you in a theater?”
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The judges, instead of choosing a ‘perfect’ song, charts presented on this page, chose the blow job song. How was it handled? The line was changed to “Would she go out with you to a theater?” Aside from the fact that there are 2 of the last 3 contestants who are no old enough to consent to sex in most states, one wonders, what was FOX® thinking in spreading this tripe? Another song on the album, PERFECT, would have made a perfect song. The subject is parents that demand too much out of their children and in striving for perfection wind up putting them at a confused 77 beats per minute, the speed where the bittersweet confusion, as Massive Attack’s TEARDROP and Theme from House, M.D.®., also on FOX®.
Nope. Someone said, let’s give the 16-year-old a song about fellatio, unsafe sex and bitterness about relationships that is basically such a stylized piece written by and for Alanis that anyone else singing it is as when someone tries to sing Brown Sugar, or In The Air Tonight, Yesterday or any 10,000 Maniacs/Natalie merchant song: the results are laughable. In short, it is a musical axiom that some performers are tortured complex people who practice and write better than they perform and their music is best performed by others (Burt Bacharach, Carole King, Jimmy Webb) and there are stylists who make the best of any song and OWN it. Beethoven was tortured; Mozart was a stylist. Insofar as the judges making Reinhart sing “You Oughta Know” was not only sexually immoral if not illegal, it made he show a JOKE. I know now that Randy “Yo, dog, you are in it to win it!” Jackson has been worse every moment on-screen since he brilliant Simon Cowell left the show.
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This season leaves two performers who are two of the least talented of the top ten, and the judges were so full of empty subjective adjectives an a RARE noun and EMPTY verbs, an element I will discuss at a later time, that FOX® destroyed the show. For every meaning less adverbial phrase used, like Jennifer “J-Lo’s” Lopepez’ “You know, I felt you feeling the song and I felt it too” groups of words that she tries to pass off as sentences which were wildly embarrassing for the show, as Simon proved spot on right: the show simply is tawdry and empty, even tacky and uber-gauche without him.
Randy, man, just keeping it real. With J-Lo in some alternate universe, and Steve Tyler making kind if meaningless and repetitive statements as, ” Wow, man, that was _______ beautiful, man: it fell on Randy to say SOMETHING besides the TWO elements he referred to a few times: tone and modulation recoveries. Not ONE WORD about rhythm tempo, harmonic tempo, melody. Nothing.
